ADHD is spending your whole life being told that you’re not doing your best and that you could do better if you tried harder and worked harder until you believe it yourself, becoming convinced that your your best work is actually only your average, and there’s a mythical, hypothetical, never-before-seen Your Best, which is surely the work of gods.

So you end up with this inflated ego and stalwart belief that you should be capable of curing cancer, discovering new planets, composing new opera pieces to take the world by storm, if you only tried harder. But for some inexplicable reason, you simply won’t put your mind and focus on it, and now you hate yourself for not being the spectacular specimen you were taught you ought to be.

And that’s why you end up having these conversations with your therapist where they are like “normal people don’t put this kind of demands and expectations on themselves”, and you dead seriously fucking answer

“Yes, but I’m not normal people.”

While I was processing my depressive shame spiral about not wanting to continue in academia, I remember having these conversations with my therapist that went round and round going: “I know I COULD do it, I know I CAN do it, but I don’t WANT to do it.”

And she looked at me one day and and went, “Maybe you CAN’T do it.”

And I was shook; I was so offended; I went home and didn’t stop thinking about that for the entire two weeks between appointments.  And the more I stewed on it, the more I started wondering why it was so important to my self-identity that I definitely be able to do the thing I didn’t want to do.

It’s funny, because it made me so mad, it’s something none of the loved ones in my life would have ever suggested to me, and yet it turned out to be something I really needed to hear, because it was the first time I’d ever paused to ask myself if it was okay if I couldn’t do a thing.  

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    All of this, but....One of the reasons that I didn’t get an ADHD dx until my 30s is that I...
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  22. keuhkopussirotta posted this
    ADHD is spending your whole life being told that you're not doing your best and that you could do better if you tried...
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