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Swan maiden: How the fuck do they expect us to build a shelter???? NEITHER OF US HAVE HANDS

Selkie: *already shimmying out of her seal skin* Not dressed like that you don’t

Swan maiden: You gonna put anything else on? No? Ok. She’s building a house. Naked. In the snow.

Swan maiden: Sure hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me

Selkie: Has anyone told you you’re a very angry person?

Swan maiden: Oh am I??????? First fucking prize for observation!!!!!

Selkie: *watching with amusement* Has anyone told you it’s incredibly hot?

Swan maiden: *makes that noise Emma Thompson makes in Sense and Sensibility when Hugh Grant proposes*

Selkie: Right. Anyway. I should…go…. *slinks back off into the water to hide the fact that she’s freaking the fuck out about being so fucking obvious and gay*

Swan maiden: Wait what no what are you doing you can’t just SAY things like that and swim off what are you doing?????

The selkie spends the next week hiding from the swan maiden so all she ever sees is this little seal face occasionally popping up in the water and then disappearing again

*****And there was only one bed*****

Swan maiden: You only built one bed?????? Where am I going to sleep????

Selkie: I don’t know. None of my business. I thought you’d just build a nest or something

Swan maiden: In this weather? Are you kidding?? No. Absolutely not. We’ll just have to share

Selkie: *spluttering* I don’t think so!!! It’s my bed!!!! Build your own!!!!

Swan maiden: Well I could but also I can’t help but notice your lovely bed doesn’t have any blankets or pillows. Oh if only one of us had feathers….

Selkie: Fine! But you won’t fit

Swan maiden: Mm. Yep. I don’t like it but we’re going to have to cuddle. It’s the only way we’ll both fit

Selkie: *mutters something about death by cute swan*

Swan maiden: *sweetly* What was that???

Selkie: *unintelligible gay grumbling*

@spiritspodcast

And they were hutmates.

This is great, but I also hope the inevitable ending is “It’s a beautiful day, and you’re a horrible swan-maiden with an equally horrible selkie wife, and you both just got back from your forced island exile.” 

I’m just caught on the idea that anyone would try to exile a seal and a swan by sticking them on an island.

That’s the comedy of it. They could just leave. But they don’t

#everyone like hey aprilslady there’s a plot hole in your rom com #there isn't #i know exactly why they’re there and how they got there #i mean the sensible explanation is that if they leave the island all of the nearest accessible land that they’d need to get to to rest #is part of their respective homes and they’ll be killed if they try to return #the other is there’s a blizzard around the island and the waves are something dreadful #which stops the swan #but the real and most important reason is they both got on the island #saw each other #and the swan maiden’s like ‘what a shame…*shimmies clothes off one shoulder which is not advisable in the snow* ‘we are stuck here…' #make no mistake they are there because they want to be #their hometowns think they exiled them but actually they gave them an island and a wife for free

Capslock translation: Neither of us have hands [to build a shelter with]!

I have to add that OP’s detail of this being a leopard seal selkie is absolutely brilliant for this story, since most of us when we thing about selkies and seals think about harp seals or harbor seals, who are cute cheerful round bois and sea doggos:

Leopard seals, meanwhile, are huge and here to fuck you up:

I have nothing constructive to add to this conversation and just think more people need to know about swan bags. For if your swan needs to be relocated and she’s not happy about it.

The leopard seal selkie returns home after her exile clutching a large bag and everyone’s like ah yes that’s just her belongings nothing noteworthy there

And then

She unleashes

Her wife